Ok so I went to see the film. Actually we went to see the film but really it was me who wanted to go and Sir took me as part of the whole being a good Dom thing – ironic in a way. And I am sort of embarrassed because it is really not quality viewing but something deep down just made me want to see. A bit like looking at an accident I suppose. Of course I had known from reading the books and watching the first film that I would be left feeling pretty much as I do now. Part of me feels irritated and annoyed that it sort of tars ‘us’ with a false, slightly creepy and affected brush, but the other part of me feels pleased that at least in some small way, the vanilla community is making moves to normalising the desire to participate in consensual BDSM activities.
Saying that, there was not a lot of BDSM in the film. One set of kegel balls, a red scarf, 4 spanks and a spreader bar. That could actually be the title of another film! There was some rather nice lingerie though. And the lack of SSC or RACK style activities didn’t seem stop her falling into a state of rapture with his one move and a kiss down there. In fact the whole Domination and submission piece was somewhat confusing. I know that there is always a debate about who actually has the power and holds control but as an observer to this relationship, you really would be none the wiser. In fact, rather than an example of a couple trying to live a D/s dynamic, it seemed more to be about a couple trying to live a vanilla life, with one trying to give up his desire to be a Dom and the other wondering if really she might be missing out on something that his other subs had enjoyed.
I think that this was good in a way. Rather than leaving the cinema feeling like i was missing out in something that could bring excitement and passion to my marriage, I actually felt confident and comfortable that I was actually living what they wanted to show and more than that, I knew how to make it work. This was a useful realisation for me. I had a feeling that I knew how it all fitted in for us and rather than making comparisons which left me feeling wanting, which has happened in the past, actually I felt like I had something that I could define and explain, something that was real. I think that it takes a while for a relationship to evolve but viewing this film brought a realisation that ours has evolved into something we are happy with, and I would define it as being D/s.
Having been an active part of a community which advocated and strived for a fifty shades of grey marriage, I realise that this is not what I have or want or am working towards. Sir and I are not a real fifty shades of grey couple. We are a married couple living a real D/s lifestyle. There is a discernible difference. Even Christian Grey claims, as he falls to his knees in classic submissive pose at her feet, that he is ‘not a Dominant’. He is ‘a sadist who likes to hurt women who look like his mother’ because of what happened to him in his childhood. And poor him. I do sympathise but the reality is that the second film is no more presenting a healthy, loving D/s relationship than the first was. Perhaps by the third film, they will have read the many amazing blogs on here that show what a married Dominant submissive relationship is actually about. (Yes I do know that the trilogy has already been written, but hey it is fiction and with dramatic licence anything could happen.)
So I have probably been pretty harsh and as I said at the start I did choose to go and see the film, knowing a lot of what I have written here, so I have to admit that I did enjoy it. Despite it being release day, we pretty much had a private viewing as the cinema was dead – clearly little interest in ‘kinky fuckery’ on a snowy Scottish Friday afternoon, so the atmosphere was somewhat lacking. The reluctant Dom beside me didn’t help that either, although he smelt really sexy and despite the lack of deep throating in the film (shockingly he went down on her often but she was never on her knees for him) I did wish the other 17 people weren’t there so I could perform a little bit of cock worship of my own! I can only conclude that the heavy rock music, the whiff of control and the glamour of the beautiful people must have got to me somehow.
Ultimately it was nice to do something out of the house that in some small way even touched on what we have. We had a good chat in the car on the way home and both felt that we were able to speak from a position of knowledge and experience which is a nice place to be. And so we end the day dreaming of a red room on a deserted set somewhere with such an amazing range of toys still waiting to be used. Jamie Dornan will always be much more Paul Spectre to me than he is Christian Grey and the film itself is no more a realistic portrayal of a D/s marriage, than he is a Dom. I know, of course, that he is not a serial killer either (but if you haven’t seen ‘The Fall’ then I recommend it). It was nice to go out with Sir, watch something we both had an interest in, and then discuss it after. And following our pleasant day, we could come back to some ‘kinky fuckery’ of our very own. What could be better?