Safe

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Being exposed can make you feel vulnerable, and being vulnerable can make you emotionally dependent on someone else. Within D/s these feelings are all real, but they do not carry with them the same negative aspects as they might usually.  Being exposed can mean that you are at risk of being embarrassed, being vulnerable can mean that you are at risk of being hurt, and being emotionally dependent can mean that you are at risk of being a burden. Not so within a D/s marriage. All these things become positives because of the trust that you share. In fact, without them you will never achieve the emotional intimacy and intensity that you pursue. Continue reading

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The house that D/s built

hands-holding-a-house-w-heartRecently a friend asked me an interesting question. What is the bread and butter of your D/s? I had to think about this for a while and later on I discussed it with Sir as the process led me to evaluate what we were doing and discover why, at times, we might find things tricky. I came to the conclusion that the foundations of respect, trust, honesty, communication and love are there are the root of all good relationships, but the bread and butter is what lies at the level above that. It is the elements that form the power exchange which makes your relationship one of Domination and submission. It is the structure that you create around yourselves so that you can maintain strong foundations.  And above this, goes all of the other things that you do – the one off acts, the exploration of fantasy etc. I had never before looked at our D/s as being a triple layered thing before but doing this really helped. Continue reading

Sensory Deprivation

002258968e801634685cd0281eb65106Sensory play is a huge part of any sexual activity. From touch, to sight, to taste, to smell, it all works to heighten the experience; but within BDSM sensory deprivation can play an even bigger role.  When you lose one sense the others immediately become enhanced, meaning that the experience becomes more intense. And through the withdrawal of certain senses and the overloading of others, you are able to reach another level altogether. Continue reading

Back on Track

download-7I think we are back on track. We have had a bit of a bumpy ride the last while and things have not been as consistent as usual. This has been tricky as it is harder for us both to keep our mindsets in these circumstances. Nothing has been wrong as such but we have lost some of the intensity we had. We have been in survival mode, focusing on what has to be done and conserving our energy for the essentials rather than enjoying the more hedonistic aspects. But where there is a will there is a way and there are two wills here heading in the same direction, which is always a good thing when a pleasant journey is desired. So we have realised the scenery could be more interesting and have endeavoured to get ourselves back  on a more direct route again. Continue reading

Vulnerability

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My recent post on Humiliation attracted some interesting comments. I love it when this happens as I think that sharing and hearing from others really helps to develop your thinking. One such comment was from Jen. I know that a lot of you already follow Jen’s Blog but if not, and you have an interest in D/D or D/s, then you should check it out. Anyway, Jen made the point that letting go of control is about making yourself vulnerable and that doing that requires a lot of strength and trust in your partner. This got me to thinking about vulnerability as it was something that I really struggled with at the start of this journey.  I really did not feel comfortable feeling vulnerable at all and I had to work very hard at the defences that told me to pull back. Continue reading

His Return

She had been waiting for him for a long time. Possibly it had not been as long as she thought but she felt his absence so keenly that is was as if a part of her was gone too. She had not really expected him back that night either so it had come as a bit of a shock when he walked in.  He had told her to lie on her stomach and wait for him. Fortunately she had prepared herself. These were things that she could not give up whether he was with her or not. Those little rituals that bound her to him, that made her his, that made them one. Continue reading

Roots

….we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

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All relationships have bumps and ups and downs. Sometimes outside factors can become too great and they start to challenge what would usually come naturally to you. This is normal but it is also hard. It can make you question what you are doing and really wonder if you are big enough to deal with it. Sometimes it can feel that instead of you managing it, it is managing you.  This is something that Sir and I have experienced recently. Continue reading