The last few weeks have made me realise that actually my effort at a submissive advent calendar is a good example of how I define this thing we do: ttwd; this D/s thing. It is an illustration of how my submission works and I think it is a good insight into the type of relationship that we have. Trying to provide a flavour of how it works for us was not my intention of course, but I suppose that, as with any journal, you will see a pattern start to form if you look. My intention had been to give Sir a series of small gifts in the run up to Christmas, to show my thanks and appreciation for the support he has given me in the last while, and to help to get us both in the right mindset before Christmas. So really anything else that came out of it was incidental.
When I sat down to think about the sort of ‘gifts’ that I would like to give, my key thought was about what Sir would like or enjoy. I wanted him to feel loved and sexy and Dominant and close to me. When I look now, I can see that some of the things that I chose to do were out of love for him. They were about paying him some attention and spoiling him in the little ways that can be so easily forgotten when life is busy. They were about touching him and taking time over him. I think that this is really important in a D/s relationship. Sir can ask me to do these sorts of things for him whenever he wants, and he does enjoy that level of control, but by asking if I can do them for him I am able to remind him that I see him for who he is and I want him and desire him on that level. I think that is an important thing for any couple and a big part of who we both are together.
Some of the other things I did were a bit more about the physical and were about celebrating the kinky side that we have to our relationship. That is an important part of our relationship but it certainly is not what it is all about. The kink, and the desire to explore it, is really born out of the love and the trust that we have for one another. Part of the really close connection we get physically comes from experiencing new things and pushing boundaries together but without the emotional connection, it wouldn’t have the same meaning for us and so what we got from it would not be the same. The intensity of the experience relies on the emotional closeness that comes from everything else, as well as the act itself and the aftercare that are a big part of it.
I also had ‘gifts’ in there that were about me pushing my own boundaries. Things that I knew he would like and would know that I found hard. That is also something that you need to embrace as a submissive I think because the relationship is about growing as a couple but also about growing in your individual roles. Sir is very nurturing and he tries to make sure that I am well supported but he is also aware that I can be my own worst enemy and my hang ups can stop me from really doing what I’d like to sometimes. So when I look at some of the things I chose I can see that I was saying to him that I am aware of what he is doing and that I do what to be what he desires, even if it is hard for me.
To be honest, I really had not considered any of this. As I said I just sat down over a period of time and thought about the types of things that I thought might make him happy and show my appreciation and thanks. But the fact that they can be grouped into loving acts, kinky experiences and things which challenged me has been interesting to see. It has encompassed the emotional, the physical, the growth and the love. These things stand together with communcation and trust and so I feel that it is almost an analogy of the way we are together and this thing that we do. Those little things that show that you are thinking of the other person and of what they might enjoy are so important and it has been a good lesson for me that I should try to build them into our way of life as a more regular thing. What’s more, we have had fun and it is always important not to take yourself too seriously. Becoming lost in the demands of life happens only too easily but if you make sure that you can still find each other through all of that, then everything will be that little bit easier.