Home » Submissive Musings » Reflections on advent – so far

Reflections on advent – so far

Part way through, not quite half-way, and I thought I would consider how things are going with my Submissive Advent Calendar.  It has been quite illuminating for me as a submissive actually.  I am not sure I have learnt anything that I didn’t know already, but it has certainly been a long hard look at myself in the mirror.

The first thing is that it has been a lot of work.  I have had to think about the tasks and prepare for them and then put the effort into them.  This has reminded me that it is what I should be doing all of the time.  To feel an achievement for 24 days in a row is good but there are another 341 days in the year.  I think that I have reminded myself that no matter how tired or how distracted I am on other things, there is a person there who I say is the focus and really I need to try harder to make him feel that he is. A part time submissive may end up with a part time Dominant and  lazy submissive may be rewarded with lazy dominance. This is obvious and I know it, but a reminder that I should put my theory into practice is always a good thing for me.

The second thing I have noticed is how engaged Sir is through my actions. This has translated back to me in a very direct way and is a true and real reminder of how out D/s works. I say our as I am aware that not everyone works this way. I know that some people say they see this sort of behaviour as leading and are at pains to point out that it is up to their Dom what he wants to happen.  This is a difficult one for me.  I would say that all of the things I have done are gifts to my Sir.  It is up to him what he does with them.  They are carefully considered and planned to try to meet his needs and desires as I see them and, to me, that is a key part of our relationship and of my own submission.  I remember a huge outcry a while ago when a friend wrote a post about seeing her submission as a gift. There were those who agreed but also those who challenged fiercely against that as an interpretation of submission.

I have come far enough now to know that there is not one way to be, or one thing to do. We do what suits us and what we feel works. I do not need to justify my label as a submissive. I am what I am.  If you like and can identify with what I write then you will read on and, if not, then I assume you will leave and read elsewhere and, to be honest, I would do the same. To me you get out what you put in and I have seen that work ten-fold with this.  I can see that these simple acts have ignited Sir and engaged him in his Dominance in the same way I have been engaged in my submission. And I think that for us, that is how this works.  It is a circle. We do feed each other. I have a submissive nature but I am a submissive to him because he allows and requires that from me.  Sir has a dominant nature, but he is my Dominant because I need and require that of him.

That brings me to a third thing. We love each other. We celebrate that love within the D/s dynamic that we have built, but that is secondary to what we have. It provides the balance and structure and harmony that we enjoy, but we have what we always had, with or without it, and I think that is an important point.  Sometimes we can wonder what would be left without it, but the truth is that when you love someone the rest is an addition. I am so pleased that I have the D/s in addition, that we have that edge we desire, but this has been a reminder that it is not just a label. It is not just something that we say that we are, this is a real fit for us and we are living it regardless of the way it might look to anyone else. It really is this thing that we do, and I think that it is our gift to each other.

So lastly, I think that I am summarising that submission is an active thing for me.  I know that I have said this before but the last 10 days have reinforced this.  It is all too easy to be passive, and some may require this, but for Sir and I, our relationship requires that we are both working together, feeding each other and considering each other in an active way.  I have an even greater respect for him that I had before.  I do not want, ever, to be a Dominant.  Having to plan and think of 24 submissive acts in a row has been hard enough, so to have that pressure to lead all the time would be too huge for me.  I am thankful and fortunate that HisLordship enjoys this role and I think that now I have a better appreciation of what it takes for him.

His responses have been amazing. He has taken it and run with it.Some of the days have been a sit back and enjoy for him, but some have been an open invitation and he really has embraced it.I have tried hard not to have any expectations, which is the submissive nature playing out – you act as a catalyst and then hand over control to someone else. It feels almost like planting unknown seeds in a garden and then letting someone tend to it and do the work. When you look out at it in bloom you are full of excitement and wonder at what has been created. I am reminded of a post I read recently on Whole New Normal where C for now wrote about leadership. As I read the article he linked about the behaviour of wolves I related to it, and the past few weeks have shown me why; I think that it summarises well the way that we work together, how our D/s is defined and how we strive to be. It is give and take and is a partnership. We each have our role to play and, so far, this experience has reminded me that it is important for me to be creative and thoughtful as much as it is to be responsive and encouraging.

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15 thoughts on “Reflections on advent – so far

      • Your effort through this endeavor is evident and enviable. The gentleman is probably relishing your effort and you ponder how to continue so I’ll proffer an idea and you may decide if it works for you.

        I don’t celebrate many things and I don’t for a reason. Giving flowers because florist reminding you it’s Valentines Day isn’t very thoughtful is it? I do it randomly and just because. I sometimes do it spur of the moment and sometimes with forethought. Within those two, more particularly the latter, lies my suggestion.

        Mark future dates on the calendar, planner, your phone or whatever. Carry on something similar at those times. Do it once in 2017 or seven times, it’s your call. Do it for one day in January, four consecutive days in April and three consecutive days in May maybe. In others words, select start dates and durations randomly. You could even have a list to keep ideas for future use.

        This will regular prompts to act and a knowledge that keeps you alert to spontaneous acts. This should be useful in helping you maintain a desired mindset going forward.

        Questions?

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you for making the suggestion C. That is a good idea. It sounds effective and quite manageable and sometimes those simple solutions are the ones that we just don’t see ourselves. I will get my diary out 😊

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  1. Gift or not I don’t think many want to put time and effort in to something and get nothing in return. We feed off one another. I suppose some D’s like their s just to wait for instructions. However, I think yours like mine love knowing they are thought about enjoy the effort we put in to finding ways to please them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I think that you are right princess. I also think that if you have considered someone else’s needs and desires and do something they would like to please them then it is unlikely that they would not respond. Perhaps it is different in a D/s where you are not living your life together as a couple but certainly when you are in a loving marriage as you know each other so well you know what they are likely to enjoy. I think that was part of the problem with the elf on the shelf I tried. It was someone else’s idea of what would be nice, not mine. One thing for me has been to learn not to anticipate or have an expectation about what his response will be. To have a picture in my head doesn’t work so I try to offer what I can and then just let Sir respond in whatever way he chooses. I know what you mean about our Ds and they are similar in that – Sir likes to know that I want him and for me to show him that spontaneously sometimes. I wondered about pinching your shaving idea but I was worried I would botch it up. Not much of a gift to go out with tissue paper stuck to your face – maybe I need to ask for training lol 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very thought provoking, and a great exercise for re-establishing or challenging yourself with your submissive nature. Don’t even worry about the naysayers, it should always be what’s right for you and your Dom, after all, it’s your relationship not theirs. — AJT

    Liked by 1 person

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