via Daily Prompt: Promise


I promised to try to put you first; to keep you at the forefront of my mind and think of you, especially when I was faced with a situation I was unsure about.  I promised to open up and to show you all of me (or as much of me as you wanted).  I told you that I wanted you to lead and that I would follow your direction instead of forging ahead on my own.  I promised to try to be what you wanted, to support you and to fulfil your fantasies.  I said that I would not block things you suggested anymore and recognised that much of that was because I was afraid of myself or afraid that I might not match up to being what you wanted.  I promised to meet your needs and to let you meet mine; to let you take care of me and to make me feel special.  I promised not to contradict you and to trust you to show me a better way to be, to accept myself as you accepted me and to respect that fact that you had chosen me and wanted me.  I also promised to want and to need you.

I have tried my best to meet these promises I made.  I have not always managed to do it as well as I could have or should have but I have done it as well as I was able at the time. The wanting you was easy, the needing you was much harder; it made me feel vulnerable but that meant that I relied on you more and that has become a positive. I have found that life makes it difficult sometimes to behave as we should and accept that things do not always go the way we expect.  I have learnt that old habits die hard and that they can be very difficult to break.  I have also learnt that when we are under pressure we revert to type and fall back on the old way of doing things. I have watched myself let the baggage of my past try to stop me from achieving what I set out to do.  But in all of this I have had your support, your love and your commitment, and that has meant that I have been successful more often than not.  I have found friends who shared the same challenges and frustrations I do and they have patiently listened to me and helped me to see the path I should be on and how to get back there.  More than anything, I have had you and that has made all of the difference, because for every promise that I made you made one too.