I think I would have to describe this past week as a week of maintenance D/s, if such a thing exists. It hasn’t been full on, in your face bells and whistles that is for sure, but rather bubbling away under the surface, an ever present part of what we do. We haven’t been actively engaged in Domination and submission but rather, maintaining our dynamic. This realisation has been nice; many a time in the past a difficult week has led to the creeping in of some of our old vanilla ways. So to find ourselves feeling connected and closer than ever has felt like progress indeed – in fact, as we head home after a very full few days, I know that later when we are alone, Sir will demand my complete submission and I will give it gladly.
At times in the past, being in vanilla company has meant that we forgot to use the rituals that we have, to keep things ticking along. That didn’t seem to happen this time and whether it was a look, or a word or a touch, we were able to use our code to keep our individual mindsets and share what we felt with each other, without drawing attention. It was noted by our house guests that we were very attentive to each other and the wife noticed that Sir looked out for me and was very gentlemanly. Being in the company of others who are not always as thoughtful, considerate or respectful to one another is also a welcome reminder of where you actually are too, and I was glad that when I saw Sir’s eyebrow raise on more than one occasion it was in response to something he heard heard or seen and not something that I had done!
Going back to work was even more exhausting than I had anticipated. Somehow I had forgotten how it felt to be rushing from one thing to to the next as I tried to adjust to the realisation that no matter how late I stayed at work I was not going to get everything that I wanted to, done. Dealing with the emotional baggage was a challenge too as I was thrown straight back in to some cases which tugged at my heart and filled up my head. We have got good at managing this over the last few years, but our methods don’t really leave space for visitors who are waiting to be fed and entertained, so I have to admit I did feel a little like I needed a release. Thankfully, without me needing to say anything, Sir was able to tell and made sure that there was time to talk things through properly each night. As he saw things build to a peak, he made time for some impact play. The feel of his cane was not only relaxing but also grounding for me. He took control and kept my focus where it needed to be. It helped me to feel centred and weightless at the same time and tied me firmly into the centre of the week as his submissive wife, beyond anything else that I might be to others. The support was just there. It seemed simple and effortless; we were both at ease in our own roles and able to communicate and anticipate each other’s needs.
As we headed off to a family party for the weekend, I can’t say the 7 hour journey was what I wanted to do with my time but as I looked at him in the car I felt an overwhelming sense of thanks for all that he is to me, and I realised that was actually exactly where I wanted to be. The party was all his side of the family and I wanted him to feel proud of us all and of what he had. This dynamic has put him clearly as the head of our family and I am happy with my less obvious supporting role. I was aware that the others would not have seen him like this before as his ex was not been keen to even pay lip service to his family, so this would really matter to him and to my in-laws who would also want the opportunity to be proud (grand)parents. He made it obvious to me from his responses over the weekend that he was very happy. Our children were a credit to us which really helped immensely. Rather than being the stereotypical teens plugged into a power source, they engaged with the older family members and entertained the hoard of toddlers. It was great for Sir and I to be able to share in this. As a blended family, we have worked hard to bring everyone together and have been very lucky in this respect. Our kids have become a very tight group but when you have had to work at creating a family rather than it just happening, the realisation that is what you have become was something that we could both share with each other and enjoy. Being honest, I think that this more than anything probably cemented our connection during the weekend.
So although there has not been much B&D, D&s or S&M for us throughout the last week, we have the same deep trust and overwhelming love that comes from those things. We have not shared an intense and lengthy scene but, for me, the residual emotions are the same. I feel like this week I have metaphorically let go and fallen backwards into his arms, with the blind trust that he will catch me. And he has. I am writing as we drive home and with the car full of teens it isn’t something we have discussed, but I hope he feels that I have been as effective in fulfilling my commitment to him as he has to me. I have turned to him and he has met my needs and I hope that I have done the same for him. I knew that we were a little overcommitted this past week and I did find it challenging but by leaning on each other, I find myself left feeling energised rather than exhausted which is a pretty amazing feeling. Thank you Sir; you are the best. Take me, I am yours.