In addition to the rules, rituals and tasks that we agreed to take on as part of our commitment to a D/s lifestyle, we also had a set of protocols designed around play and scenes. In terms of setting limits, we worked on a limits list quite early on and also agreed on safe words. We both looked at the limits list and then talked about it together. This was really helpful; we had naively thought we were already kinky and knew quite a bit, but hey, some of the things on there we seriously had to look up on the urban dictionary!!!
Fortunately for us, we agreed pretty much on the same hard limits and, through discussion, some of our soft limits actually became ‘would be prepared to try’. All in all it was a helpful exercise and one which we have repeated several time since then. As we have grown and explored, things that we thought we wouldn’t want to do have developed an appeal and these days there is not too much that is off limits. Again I would say that, although frustrating to take things slowly, this was a good thing. With kids in the house we had less opportunity to experiment than some so this was not necessarily of our choice, but adding new things in slowly gave us both time to adjust and to build up the confidence and trust in one another.
Getting to know my own limits was also a huge part and I am excited that is something which keeps shifting as your experience grows. It is thrilling to know that this time next year, I will not be in the same place or at the same point sexually or in terms of my submission. For someone who had felt stagnant and trapped in an unhappy relationship in the past, that is something that has been a huge gift – so thank you Sir ❤️