You commented yesterday when we spoke that you didn’t know what went on in my head when we played and that you just had to trust I was getting something out of it. What happens is that you transform my head. You take the jumble that is life and clear it away. The kids, work, the shopping, the cleaning, the thing my mum said to me that I’m worrying about, the money I have to move for the holiday, the appointment I forgot to make, and on and on it goes.

Instead it becomes you and I. It becomes the sensation and I become lost. I exist only for you and I become part of you. I am free from everything else, even if only for a short time. I can be what you want me to be which is what I need to be. I don’t have to worry about being judged or being rejected. I don’t have to care about how my body looks or is, as it becomes as you see it. I am what you make me. I can be beautiful and sexy and naughty and dirty. I can be opened up and shattered into pieces and none of it need concern me. I only have to feel and be and I melt away and float on the surface of you until you bring me back again. My focus becomes your fingertips and your heat as you touch me and the weight of your body against mine. I crave you and feel completely consumed by you. Nothing exists for me except you and what you make me feel.

It is not sex. It is something spiritual and soulful. It is the shifting from what I am to what I can be and want to be. Unspoken desires and dreams and a journey down I road that I would never have ventured down alone.

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